Down And Out

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I mean baaaaaaaaaaaad. This pregnancy has left me more exhausted and sleep deprived than the last, probably because I have a four year old and a nine month old who is still nursing on top of it. It was just a wacky day for me, I woke up feeling “off” and I never really got “on”. In fact I went down. It was an emotionally draining kind of day. It was nothing the children were doing, in fact, it was like they sensed, “Momma isn't herself” and they played together and were actually quite well behaved. But mentally I was drained. Anyone out there know what I am talking about?


I knew all the things I should do, but sometimes, we grow weary. I should have taken time out to read the Word, or worship or pray, but to be honest, I didn't have it in me. Shoot, I didn't even have the energy to shower, let alone try and find peace and quiet to pray. My husband, the amazing man that he is, was patient and kind and even took our oldest to church with him so that it was just me and the wee one at home. And even though I told him I didn't want prayer (dumb, I know!), I knew he was praying for me, because I felt his prayers.


I woke up today feeling silly for having “fallen apart” yesterday and hungering to pray and to repent. And I just love the Lord, because as I was praying and lamenting over the times in my singleness that I had with Him, leisurely hours spent devouring His Word, praying, praising and hearing so clearly His voice, journal upon journal filled with His whispers to my heart, He brought me to psalm 63. Reading the Words brought life and refreshing, reminding me of what I really long for. Being so in love with Him, desiring nothing but His Word and His Presence, nothing else matters. Truth be told though, this “season” of life has left me dry and it’s nobody’s fault but my own. That time in my singleness was a preparation for this time in my life, and I was reminded of that as I read in psalm 63 today.


[1] A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. [2] So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. [3] Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. [4] So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. - Psa 63:1-4 ESV


The moments of dryness I was feeling yesterday was my soul and my flesh crying out for God, but the war with the enemy of our souls in the battlefield of my mind distracted me. I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, I have beheld His Power and Glory in His sanctuary. His steadfast love is better than life, and my lips will praise Him.


Friends those moments of sheer agony and “what on earth is going on?” are spiritual and often two fold. There is an enemy that seeks to kill, steal and destroy us, but there is also a Holy God who is calling out to us.


When you feel like pulling the blankets over your head and running, I would encourage you to seek Him, with even the little bit of strength you have. He is our help, let your soul cling to Him, for His right hand upholds you.


Do not die and grow weary. Remember His goodness, remember those mountain top moments, because the valleys do come, but what did David say? Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.


Allow Him to comfort you. Seek Him in His sanctuary. Do as Jesus said, “come unto me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”


Praying for all who are feeling weary, your sister who has spent her fair share in the desert.

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