The Winds Of Change

I haven’t written in awhile, honestly because I am processing through so much that the Lord is teaching me, I don’t even know where to begin. Actually, now that I sit, I do. It began over ten years ago when I finally surrendered my life to Jesus. It was at an Easter play of all things, where the Gospel in all it’s glory was presented. Much happened that night, more than I care to write about in this post, but the fact is the God of heaven and earth reached down into Northern Michigan and awakened my heart to His. It was quite a journey of twists and turns. Falling and getting back up. Detours and dead ends but it seemed finally I was on His path.


He awakened my heart to missions and overseas labor in the midst of all the wild chaos of the first few years of my walk with Him. It was at an ordinary service, but what occurred at the end was anything but ordinary. It was extraordinary, the desire, a vision and a call was issued to sell everything and hit the field. But unfortunately, my idolatrous heart got in the way. You see I was in a relationship, a bad relationship with a “Christian”, and I use that term loosely because he was anything but, and alas that’s another series probably in itself. Anyway fast-forward and my heart for people and the lost is ignited once again. I loved short term trips and remember distinctly sitting under a tree with my husband on one of the trips we were leading discussing how we would love to do this the rest of our lives. Lead teams and people into darkness with the light and truth of Jesus.


Fast-forward again to two years ago when the call came clearly, it was time for us to start the process of preparing our family for the field. We were excited and nervous and perplexed as to how all this was going to happen, but we knew, that we knew, that we knew it was time. So here I sit tonight, reliving all that and realizing that prayers prayed from my early walk with Christ are beginning to be answered in a full on manifestation of a broken heart, a disgust with self and a recognition of just how comfortable I am living the “American dream”. I didn't know it until the squeeze and the sifting began to happen.


It first started to show in a move to a new city for a new position at a local church. The grieving process of leaving my family, the town I loved and hated (again another post), and friends ripped at my heart. Along with a realization and frustration of my idea of “church” and the Americanization of what we think “church” is. I fought anger, depression, fear and many other emotions before we even left for this next step.
Since arriving it has only intensified. The conviction of how not ready I am to live a fully sacrificial life has reared its ugly head. I have cried, I have fought, I have raged against the process and I have finally succumbed to the fact that Paul was serious when he said out flesh and spirit war against one another. In my spirit I leap at the fact that the “American dream” and the comforts must go, but my flesh freaks out and screams, “but I don’t have to live that way just yet”, but then I stumble across others on a journey to live as Christ did and I am encouraged. I am encouraged and spurred on when I read things like I did last night, the other day, today, pretty much a lot lately. Things like the following:


What is needed in the twenty-first century is ... Christians who consciously think through their lives and de-enculterate themselves from consumerism and consumptionism, not to mention the disease of the health and wealth Gospel. ~ Witherington


The only way to repair the holes of this world where hearts are falling through – is to be broken away from your life like Christ and let your Christ-filled life be interwoven with other lives. The only way to reweave this world into wholeness — is to let your Christ-life be broken for others.~Ann Voskamp


Like there’s no way I can sing that soon and very soon we’re all going to see our Father – when I’m living like this – and my brothers and sisters are living like that. When too many North Americans diet for a hobby, and too many Africans die for a meal. When our churches have building budgets and our sisters have dying children.


“Don’t think for a moment that because you’re in the palace you will escape when all your people suffer. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief will arise from some other place, but you and yours will die.” There are a thousand ways for your soul to die, to be the living dead.

I could go on, and on, with like minded, heart ripping, spirit awakening quotes and articles, but the fact is until we are ready to admit that we are living in a blessed nation, meant to be a blessing, until we realize, until I realize that Jesus didn't die for my comfort, He died for my soul and the souls of every human being who is created in His image. Until I realize that true joy comes in the giving, and until I realize that the freedom comes in letting go, I will continue to war and struggle.


I heard it said once, “A dead man doesn't feel”, in other words, I want to be so dead to myself and this world and so alive to Christ that the comforts of this life will not hold a candle to the satisfaction of proclaiming my Savior to the ends of the earth….


I challenge you today to see where your flesh needs to die in light of the Good News of Jesus. Are you holding yourself back from your true calling in Christ? Are you distracted by the fleeting comforts of this life? Are you hanging on to things or ideas that really, are hanging onto you?


Pressing on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus has taken hold of me
Your sister in Christ


To be continued…………….

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