Walking In Darkness

Every day 500 women in China commit suicide. 500. That number and that reality undoes me. I sat in worship today and the realities of the sufferings in this world overwhelmed me and I know The Lord allows those moments for a reason. We have to be able to move beyond the revelation and the emotion and do something. what do we do when we realize the realities of this world? What do we do when we are unaware? My prayer has been, deliver me from the American dream. Deliver me from myself, from my selfishness and I do believe that is the season I am in right now. It's a painful season. It's a season that at times feels dark and so suffocating I don't even know how to breathe and be at peace because my heart, my soul, my spirit and my flesh are being rattled to the core.


The realities of the sin in my life, the realities of the world around me, the tragedies and the chaos that are occurring in those close to me are breaking in on me. The recognition that I am not where I thought I was or should be becomes glaringly obvious. The recognition that as I read the Word and allow it to penetrate even to dividing my soul and spirit, joints and marrow; as it judges the thoughts and attitudes of my heart, that apart from Him I truly can do nothing.


And even though The Lord is allowing this season of sifting and revelation I rejoice because He is answering my prayers. It is causing me to decide put up or shut up, all in or turn in. Am I doing it amazingly, um no, I'm flailing about realizing that He indeed is allowing this, He indeed will use all these things to take me to the place He desires me to be. And the truth is? I do want to go through this season because a dead man doesn't feel anything. I want to get to the place where I am living in full surrender that I am a living sacrifice and that I no longer matter. Even as I write this I recognize the them, "me, me ,me me" theme. And I want it to be "Him, Him, Him". Christ glorified.


So I am grateful to know the sufferings of Christ, to walk or should I say crawl through this season because if I am not equated and familiar with His sufferings, I know the place He is taking me I will not survive. I will not be able to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn because I have not ever experienced the depths of that darkness.


So I praise Him in all things, I will not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I will present my requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.


If you are going through the valley, if you are going through darkness, if you are suffering, I urge you, turn to Christ, for He has walked it. He was abandoned, misunderstood, betrayed, gossiped about and crucified. He can relate and He longs to draw you to himself, to bring you through and get you to the place where you can say like the psalmist said, "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil."


Be encouraged friends, He who began a good work in you will see it to completion.


On the journey with you, your sister in Christ


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