When It All Comes Crashing Down

I’ve been frustrated. For a few years. Totally frustrated. Life on the outside looks good, and for the most part, it is. I have an amazing, loving, kind, funny, extremely handsome husband. A fiery, creative, passionate and fearless four year old. A sweet, funny, curious almost one year old and I am pregnant with a third child, a true gift from God. But in spite of that, I’ve.Been.Frustrated.


Frustrated with my journey with the Lord, frustrated with the Church and how we “do it”, frustrated at the lack of passion for the Lord and His Word not only in my heart, but in the world. Frustrated and enraged at the injustices, corruption and greed in our world. Flat out frustrated with myself and my responses to it all.


And then it happened. It all came crashing down on me. On a family vacation none the less. All the prayers, tears and temper tantrums came to a head and my world and paradigms came tumbling down. I didn’t even realize it had happened until I was home pondering the different things I was feeling, seeing and hearing from the Lord. Honestly I believe the tipping point came days before we left, when in a frustrated, desperate prayer I told the Lord “I can’t do this anymore. I hate my lack of Faith, I hate that I am not walking in Your Spirit and Your Power, I hate that I’ve settled for American Christianity. I want More. More of You, More of Your Spirit. I want to walk as You intended. IN Your Power, In Your Spirit, for Your Namesake. You are the greatest Truth I’ve ever known and I am doing nothing. NOTHING. About it”


Yeah those prayers, sadly are common for me. The “whoa is me” , “I can’t take it anymore” prayers. Thankfully, God honors our prayers and sees the depths of heart in spite of our shortcomings. And He began to answer me. Looking back, I see He has been answering them, allowing me to come to the end of myself to find Him.


And that is really where it begins. Letting go of “Me” and the focus on “my walk”. It’s a shift in our view from us to Him. From our failures to His faithfulness. It’s letting go of who we think we are or Who He is, and allowing His Word and His Spirit to invade our hearts and spirit transforming us from the inside out. It isn’t easy. Some of those ideas and thoughts and beliefs have taken root over many years. Some are right on, but many, sadly, are false notions of the Real Truth of Who He Is and who He created us to be. The world around us is shouting loudly, while He is still speaking to His children in the still small voice. It’s time to tune out the shouts, even those of our own heart, and quiet ourselves before Him. So that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts, paradigms and views that are wrong or misguided can come crashing down, and the Truth can rise from the rubble.


My challenge to you today is to pray out those crazy desperate prayers. To come to the end of yourself, and allow it to all come crashing down….


More to come as I sort through the Rubble to hear His Heart,

Your broken and transformed sister in Christ.

Stay Informed